i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
