living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
