I should be sponsored by Trojan
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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