i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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