Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
