this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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