Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize