I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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