yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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