Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
