mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
