I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
