when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
