Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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