We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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