I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
