We're facebook friends in real life
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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