I want to walk on stilts...naked
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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