I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
