So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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