College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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