dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize