Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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