they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
