he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
