You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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