**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
