woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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