So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
