dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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