dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
