It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
