Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
