Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
