Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
