i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I did not marry a roomba.
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