so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
