apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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