you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
false alarm, still single
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize