I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
