New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
