i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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