So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize