he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
