If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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