what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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