he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
