It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
