Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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