I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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