This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how drunk are you?
Several
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
