My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
