I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
