i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
