so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
