pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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