This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.