what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.