And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?