what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder