I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.