My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize